Bitchfest 101

I'm annoyed and frustrated.  I'm tired of being positive, I'm tired of being strong, I'm tired of dealing with cancer.  And I'm mad.

I'm mad that my daughter has to worry about me.  No 8 year old should have to do that.
I'm mad that I'm tired all the time.
I'm mad that I'm losing my eyelashes.
I'm mad that I can't have a drink every once in awhile.
I'm mad that we had church pictures this week...even though it's a great wig, it's not me.
I'm mad that someone is staying with me all the time, even though I know I need it.
I'm mad that my house keeps falling apart.

I'm mad that I see so many great pictures of people on vacation and I get NO vacation this year.
I'm mad that I have to take off a day of work every week to get chemotherapy.
I'm mad that I'll have to miss more work down the road for surgery.
I'm mad that this is such a long treatment process.

I'm mad that the first thing that comes to people's minds when they see me is "how are you feeling?"  Although meant well, answering it is getting really old.  I hate that they feel they have to ask.
I'm mad that I can't go to Camp Gladiator.
I'm mad that I haven't gotten 10,000 steps in one day in weeks.
I'm mad that I have very little energy to do much outside of work.
I'm mad that I don't see my friends as often as I like because I have no energy to do anything.
I'm mad that any chance of dating has gone out the window.

I'm mad that with any ache or pain my mind starts thinking I've got metastasis.
I'm mad that this cancer has such a high rate of recurrence.
I'm mad that I can't get it out of my head that I will be stage 4 eventually.
I'm mad that I keep thinking negatively, because although understandable, those thoughts are NOT a good place to be.

I'm mad that I have to do any of this.  It's not fair, it's not right, and NO ONE should have to deal with this, including me.

What a rude interruption!

Cancer is rude.  It interrupts a person's life in a flash, turning it upside down and inside out. It sounds crazy to say, but I don't think I ever really realized that before becoming a cancer patient.

The first kind of interruption is pretty obvious.  It's the changes everyone can see from the outside looking in.  After a cancer diagnosis, life becomes more about doctor appointments, testing, more doctor appointments, treatments.  It becomes about finding the new normal, the logistics of living with cancer, the daily changes in schedules, not only for the patient but for their support system.

The second kind of interruption is more subdued.  This is the interruption that is even more obvious to me....the changes in how I am living my life.  Cancer interrupts many of my plans, my goals, my ideas of things I want to get done.  Cancer saps my energy and motivation, and that's challenging for me.  A few weeks ago I mentioned I wanted to plan an annual 5K to raise money for inflammatory breast cancer (IBC) research.  Have I done anything about it since?  Nope.  I have a blog I want to write about IBC and the statistics surrounding it.  I had someone who is very knowledgeable about IBC send me information about it, but have I read any of that information?  Nope.  I have planned to start exercising again, yet every day I have had to cancel those plans as I am just too tired.  I know exercise will help my fatigue, yet I'm too fatigued to get moving.  Ironic.

I know, I know....I need to rest and can get to this stuff later.  I get that.  But it gets very old very quickly.

The silver lining about all this is I can better understand how oncology patients feel.  When I talk with patients at work, I have been very guilty of not remembering they are dealing with interruptions too.  And some of them....the leukemia patients who are in the hospital for a month, or the cancer patients who end up in the hospital for 2 weeks fighting an infection....have greater interruptions than I (hopefully) will ever have.  So being a patient will help me relate to them better, to empathize with them, and to be aware of the interruptions they are facing.  And for that, I'm grateful.

But still....cancer is a rude jerk.  And I can't wait until I start feeling better and can get back doing things that are me!

Not letting CANCER take over

The picture above makes me think of what the inside of my mind must look like right now. Since being diagnosed, all I think about is CANCER, and then the associated other things that go with it. Oh, sometimes other thoughts squeak in...God, family, work, friends, etc. But CANCER always seems to take back over and to do so very quickly.

I have so much on my mental "to do" list, but stopping CANCER from dominating my thoughts is the first thing I need to do.  And I know I'll be able to, because it's still new, and fresh, and difficult.  But I don't like CANCER having such a big part in my life, the biggest part of my life.  I need to be someone living with cancer, not having CANCER controlling my life.

I'll get there.  It's a hell of a long road, but I'll get there.  I'm too strong and have come through too much in my 43 years to let one word rule me.  So screw you CANCER, and go back to the small letters you are.  I will live with cancer, but I won't let it be first in my life.

Fight Like Me

One month ago today, I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  And when I get a major illness, I do it with gusto!  Not only do I have breast cancer, but I have Stage 3, triple negative, Inflammatory Breast Cancer (IBC).  I'll go more into the specific medical details in another blog, but triple negative breast cancers make up 15-20% of all breast cancers and IBC makes up less than 5% of all breast cancers.  Basically, I'm an overachiever.

I decided to start blogging again to help bring awareness to the diagnosis of IBC.  IBC doesn't show up as a lump.  It appears as redness on the breast.  It can have swelling, and peau d'orange (skin that looks like an orange peel), or the breast can have an inverted nipple.  The only symptom I noticed immediately was redness on my skin.  I thought I had cellulitis, a skin infection.  When I looked closer, I did have some peau d'orange, but a very small amount.  And I had mild swelling.

The thing is, IBC is SO aggressive, that it often appears between scheduled mammograms. Mine did.  And it's not always detected on mammograms, although mine was.  IBC is diagnosed at least as a Stage 3, ALWAYS.  That's because with the inflammatory nature of this cancer, the cancer cells clog up the lymph channels and lymph nodes.  The spread to lymph nodes is automatically labeled Stage 3 disease.

Breast cancer gets SO much research money, but more needs to be done towards IBC. There's got to be better detection, more discussion, increased education.  And I want to do whatever I can to help that.

But I'm also hoping this blog will be about more than IBC.  It will be about someone living with cancer.  It will be about the support and love that has come my way.  It will be about chemotherapy and surgery and radiation.  It will be about relationships, new and old.  It will be about my sweet girl and how she is handling all this.  It will be about working on an oncology unit while going through treatment myself.  At times, I'm hoping it will be funny, and sweet, and maddening.  But most of all I want it to be real.

When I started blogging years ago, I named this blog "A Journey of Sorts".  I never knew how true that title would be.  But it is definitely a journey, and I have A LOT more to say.

13.1....Done!

As I sit here rolling my foot on a frozen water bottle, I thought I'd share my thoughts from today.  February 23, 2014, another item completed off my "fitness" bucket list.  I completed my first half marathon.  13.1 miles.  Unreal.

I was so unbelievably excited.  I have run at the Cowtown for the past 2 years, and this would be my third. I ran my first 5K in 2012, my first 10K in 2013 and this would be my first half.  I registered pretty much as soon as registration opened.  And then I got stuck. Real life overtook my workout regime and I knew I wasn't going to be near ready for this race.  But I also wasn't going to forfeit the $80 I paid to do it either!  One way or another, I was going to complete this race.

All week I have been excited and nervous.  I haven't been able to run the past couple weeks, and I had *only* gotten back up to running 5 miles at a time.  But I figured my adrenaline and excitement would carry me for a little while, and I was hoping to at least run the first half and then run/walk the second.  

This was the scene from where I parked.  Traffic was pretty sucky so I only got there about 20 minutes before start time.  But hey, less time to wait around.  I was super stoked at this point.

My corral started off at 7:15.  The first few miles were lots of turns and running through Trinity Park and some neighborhoods.  It was neat to see all the people out cheering.  I felt pretty good for those first few miles.  Then at mile 3, I stopped to get some water and felt a burst of energy when I started again.  Hey, this walking for a bit helps!  Onward I went.

Around mile 5-6 I was looking for my parents and Jenna.  They were supposed to be somewhere along there to cheer for me.  I never found them and later on, I found out they thought they had missed me so they left.  I hadn't gotten there yet.  I was going much slower than they (and I) had thought I would be but I kept trudging along.

Just after mile 6 we entered the Stockyards.  I love the Stockyards.  It's such an iconic part of Fort Worth.

I didn't take this picture, obviously.  But if runners had been in this picture, we would have been coming toward you, down the hill.  It was neat to run through there but cobblestone is hard to run on!

After this, I started feeling it.  I would run for a little while, and then walk.  And my walking kept getting longer and longer.  By now, I was stopping at every water station to get something to drink and also walking a lot between stations too.

Then the infamous mile 9.  A long, gradual hill.  I had already decided that forget trying to run up that.  But this view was at the top.  Another great view!

Then the race ran through downtown, through Sundance Square.  The next picture shows how it would have looked if the runners had been coming towards the camera.  Another great place to run but I was hurting by this point.  My knees, which had been bothering me all week, really weren't bad but my foot was really feeling it.  I was pretty much just walking at this point!  I was excited though because I saw the 3:00 pacer right in front of me, but they started jogging again and I couldn't keep up.  

And I pretty much walked from here on out.  Occasionally I would jog a little but I was feeling it.  About mile 11, not only was I feeling it in my foot but my calves were really tight and I was wondering if I was going to start cramping.  One foot in front of the other.  Just kept going.

Right before the finish, I saw my parents and Jenna.  They did find me!  Jenna was yelling "Go Mommy!", my dad was high fiving me and as I said, "This has sucked!" my mom said, "Only 2 more turns to go!"  Thank goodness.

And I finished.  I didn't feel the elation I had with my 5Ks or 10Ks, but I felt relief.  I was just happy to be done, and I got my medal.

Hobbled to my car and as I was sitting in line trying to get out of the parking garage, I went on Facebook and saw all the posts, comments and encouragement from my friends.  Now the elation was starting.  I had finished a half marathon!  Dude!  That's a LONG way.

We went out to eat (of course!) and I remembered my decal that I had bought from the expo yesterday.  I have NEVER put a sticker on my car before but this one was definitely going on.

And that's the story of my first half.  Right now, 6 hours after I finished, I'm sore and hobbling, but happy.  It wasn't near the race I had wanted to run, but considering my life in the past few months, I'm DAMN proud to have done it.  And heck, it gives me something to improve on as I eye my next one (most likely the Fort Worth half marathon in November).  

13.1.  Done.  And I'm thrilled.  

The end of a chapter

Big day tomorrow, my 40th birthday!  I will be closing the chapter of my 30s and starting fresh.  And the neat thing is, I really have NO idea what my 40s will hold for me, but I'm excited to find out.  But before I end my 30s, I did want to look back a bit.

In my 30s, the most significant event of my life happened.  I became a mom.  Being a mom has been the absolute greatest joy of my life.  I cannot imagine life before Jenna.  Not only did I become a mom, but I became a mom to HER.  She is the sweetest, most loving, most caring child and she has my whole heart.  

When I turned 30, I was working in urgent care.  About a year later, I realized how much I missed hospital nursing, and I went back to working in the hospital.  I have changed hospitals a few times since then, but I'm so glad I realized my true love in nursing is med/surg patients.  I can't imagine doing another specialty, and I'm so fortunate that I've worked where I have for the past 3 years.  In my 30s, I found the best hospital and unit I've ever worked for.

Also in my 30s, I became a Certified Medical Surgical nurse (CMSRN).  It means I know quite a bit about my field, and it's a great certification to have.

Personally, in the second half of my 30s, I discovered a joy of cooking.  I also have Jenna to thank for that, because I truly think that being a mom helped make me want to cook more, to provide better meals for her.  And I really, really enjoy it.  It's been a pleasant surprise.

Also in the second half of my 30s, I discovered I LOVE running.  I think I've completed close to 20 races since I started running in February 2012, including a Warrior Dash (5K obstacle course.)  I look back at the first entries of this blog, and I wrote about wanting to run a 5K and even further.  And in less than 2 weeks, I'll be completing my first half marathon!

Also in my 30s, not only did I realize I love running, but I discovered my inner athlete. Running is way up on the list, but I've also really enjoyed working out in general.  I realized the other day that I've belonged to a gym for over 2 years and I've actually used it frequently!  I think I've probably belonged to gyms that length of time before but I never consistently worked out.

As I end my 30s, I realize that I'm truly beginning to find out who I really am.  That process started in the last few years, as I became healthier, more confident, and happier.  That is definitely a work in progress, but in my 30s, I found my voice.  I'm not just a mom, a daughter, a sister, a nurse.  I wasn't just a wife.  I'm a really good person, and now is the time to find out just what kind of life I want to have.  I think so often, women especially, get caught up in the busy day to day life, and they don't have time for themselves to think about what THEY want.  And I've been fortunate enough to start that process in the last couple years.  I think that's what is most exciting about turning 40.  It's my time.  Of course, I will continue to be a mom, a daughter, a sister, a nurse.  But finding my true self will only help in all those other roles.

So 40 is going to be an open book.  Get ready world.  

Living life

"Live the life you have imagined."  That wall hanging is on the wall above my computer.  I see it a lot, and it's damn good advice.  Still working on taking that advice though.

My divorce was final August 5, 2013.  It was FAST.  I left Jason May 21, 2013.  Filed May 31, 2013 and it was final August 5.  I guess when both people decide there's no way to stay married and agree on how to split everything, it doesn't take long.  And I'm glad it was fast, because I needed to move on.  Still having a tough time with that, but it's getting easier.

Tomorrow, October 7, would have been my 13th wedding anniversary.  I'm really trying not to let that bother me.  In fact, I'm trying to look at it as THE point of me moving on.  I'm hoping that the date will miraculously be the kick in the pants that I need.  I'm not down in the dumps by any means, and I have more good days than bad.  But I need to move forward.

A BIG part of that moving forward is getting healthy again.  I've gained A LOT of weight back.  I'm having to wear bigger clothes and I can feel it.  I can feel that I've gotten bigger again.  It's not a lost cause, by any means, but I've got to get back to eating healthy and working out.  I want to.  I know I'll be happier.

So I'm hoping tomorrow is kind of a turning point for me, where I start going forward again, not backward.  I've been trying to do that for weeks now, and I haven't been able to do it consistently.  Hoping tomorrow, even though it's just a date on the calendar now, will help to change that.

What a journey it has turned out to be!

When I started this blog, I thought most of the posts would be about losing weight, about the journey to physical health.  And they have been, up until this point.  But oh, has life changed, and it's become SO much more than that.

May 31, 2013.  I filed for divorce.  I NEVER in a million years thought I'd be getting divorced, yet I am.  Without getting into all the nitty gritty details, I was miserable in my marriage (and I'm pretty sure Jason was too.)  We couldn't come to any agreement on how to fix it, so I decided to end it.  When you realize that you would be happier alone, that is eye opening.  So 12 years of being married, (15 since we started dating), and just like that, it's over.

I've kept seeing a counselor throughout all this, and she really helps me make sense of a lot of this "stuff."  I saw her yesterday, and it hit me...in the past few years, when I've been getting healthy with eating right and working out, I've been unhealthy in my most important relationship of all, my marriage.  I didn't realize how unhealthy it was.  Well, scratch that.  I think I did.  But I think I didn't want to admit it.  Who does?  Who wants to admit their marriage is not good?

So while a big part of my life was becoming healthy, another part was going the opposite direction.  I think it became more apparent too, with the more weight I lost.  I've known for years that Jason and I had our problems, but I ALWAYS blamed it on my weight.  I told myself when I lost the weight, we'd be better, closer, more in love, etc, etc, etc.  And it didn't happen.  At all.  And it got the the point where I wasn't willing to be so unhappy any longer.

It's still very difficult.  Do I wish my marriage had worked out?  Of course I do.  I loved Jason.  I still love him.  But I don't love, and could not stay, in our marriage the way it had become.  I don't know why things changed.  Or even when they changed.  But I do know, without a doubt, that it was beyond repair.  I would have tried different things to make it work, but it was too far gone by this point.

That's where my journey has taken me lately.  On the physical part, I have been really struggling.  I've not been eating right and not been working out the way I should/can.  Maybe I'm so used to having part of my life being unhealthy, that I tend to go back to that.  My personal/emotional life is on the upswing now, so I compensate and make another part of my life (physical) unhealthy.  Why would I do that though?  Who knows.  Still working on that part.

But I'm getting through it.  I'm proud of where I am.  It hasn't been easy, or pretty, but I've gotten out of bed every day.  I'm getting back to my usual routine, which is working out, cooking, spending time with Jenna.  I haven't missed work since all this started (big for me due to anxiety issues that rear up from time to time) and I'm looking ahead.  I can't look back.  There's no point.  What's done is done.  So I'll keep looking forward.

Time to quit screwing around

It's been just about 6 months since I got to my goal of 100 pounds lost.  And since then, I have been gaining and then losing the same 5-10 pounds, over and over.  This has GOT to stop.  I still want/need to lose another 20 pounds or so, and it's time I got serious and did this.  Tomorrow is March 1st.  Planning on sticking to my calories every day (no late night munching that's not counted) and besides my regular workouts/runs, doing my 6 week 6 pack DVD every day that I'm off work.  I need to get back on track for good!

Small update to the bucket list

I thought of something I wanted to add to my bucket list.  And after yesterday, I can cross off a couple more things!


Run a 5K in under 30 minutes
Run a 10K
Run a 10K in under 70 minutes
Run a half marathon
Run a marathon
Run a Tough Mudder
Chest press 125 pounds (barbell)
Dead lift 225 pounds (barbell)
Run a race with Jenna
Beat Jason in a 5K
Do 20 pushups without stopping
Do 1 real pull up
Run a 5K
Run 10+ miles
Complete all 3 levels of the 30 Day Shred without stopping (new)

My fitness "bucket list"

A few weeks, ago, I ran 11 miles.  It was the first time I had run in double digits.  Since then, I've been thinking about other goals I want to achieve.  I decided I needed a fitness "bucket list"...things that I want to do sometime in this lifetime.  I figure this will be an evolving and changing list too...I hope so!  I've got a lot of living yet to do and this is just a start.  Some of these will be relatively easy, and some will take a few years, at least, to do.  So here goes!

Run a 5K in under 30 minutes
Run a 10K
Run a 10K in under 70 minutes
Run a half marathon
Run a marathon
Run a Tough Mudder
Chest press 125 pounds (barbell)
Dead lift 225 pounds (barbell)
Run a race with Jenna
Beat Jason in a 5K
Do 20 pushups without stopping
Do 1 real pull up
Run a 5K
Run 10+ miles

Thought I'd add the last two because they were goals I already had achieved.  A couple of those (marathon, Tough Mudder) scare me, but I have a feeling I can work up to them.

Health and fitness goals for 2013

Since my last post was about my 2012 accomplishments, it seems only right that I also post about my goals for 2013.  I've decided against resolutions...never kept them anyway.  Goals give me something to work towards and are much more positive.  So with an explanation why these are goals, here goes!

1.  Run 12 races.  I ran 9 races in 2012, so I'm sure I can fit 3 more in.  Actually, it will be a little more difficult because I am now working every other weekend, but that just makes it a little more challenging.  I'm already signed up for 3 races in January and February so I'm off to a good start.

2.  Run 600 miles.  I gave a lot of thought to this one.  One of my friends on Facebook posted her total for the year.  Once I stopped to think about it, it was astounding...over 1400 miles!  Not sure if I could even get over 1000.  But I know, if I push myself, I can get to 600.  That's between 11-12 miles a week, so it will be tough for me.  But I'm going to try.

3.  Get under 30% body fat.  When I started at the gym, I was at 40%.  I got down to 34.6% this year, so this is definitely achievable.  But it's still going to require some dedication and hard work on my part.

4.  Get my BMI under 30.  This should be my easiest goal, since my BMI is at 31.1 right now.  I think I have to lose about 8 pounds to get under 30.  But it's significant because I will FINALLY be out of the obese BMI category.  I'll "just" be overweight.  That's a big milestone for sure.

5.  And the last one is to get to my goal weight.  I have just about 25 pounds to get there.  Losing half a pound a week will get me there.  Definitely achievable.  And MAJOR.  Exciting that it's within my grasp!

My top 10 accomplishments for 2012!

I saw a post on MyFitnessPal with people listing their top 10 accomplishments of the past year.  I love that idea so I had to do it too!  So in random order, here's mine.

1)  Lost 32 pounds and 5% body fat
2)  Was able to stop taking medication for high blood pressure
3)  Ran my first 5K in February, and then ran 7 more throughout the year
4)  Ran the Warrior Dash, didn't stop once and completed ALL the obstacles!
5)  Had blood work done in March and my cholesterol was under 200 for the first time since I've had it first checked, well over 10 years ago
6)  Was able to leg press 500 pounds, 3 times in a row!
7)  Had my longest run yet at 7.6 miles
8)  Now wearing size 10/12 pants and medium/large tops (after starting at 22/24 and XXL)
9)  Felt good about putting my picture on our Christmas card this year.  First time EVER!
10)  Reached 100 pounds lost

The closer I get to my goal weight, the harder this gets.  So this is a GREAT reminder of what I've accomplished this year.

Now on to 2013!

More progression pictures

Again, the scale is stuck.  Hasn't moved down in almost 2 months.  So I thought I'd go back to my tried and true way of seeing progress...pictures!

This first picture is from about 4 months/10 pounds ago.

This next picture is today.  Quite a difference, I think! (excuse the mess I am...just home from the gym)

Not bad for a 10 pound change!

100 pounds down, in pictures

Today was a BIG day.  I got to the 100 pound mark.  Exactly.  188.4.  Still have some weight to lose, some goals to accomplish, but what a milestone this was.  And I thought I'd post some pictures, mostly to remind myself of how far I've come, and how I don't EVER want to go back.

This first one is January, 2010.  Yes, Jenna is completely adorable.  Me, not so much.

This next one is probably May, 2010.  Helping Jenna at the petting zoo.  Again, not good.

This next one might be the worst picture EVER taken of me.  To me, it's rock bottom.  I hate posting it, but then again, I need to remember how rock bottom looked.  June 2010, right before I started this weight loss journey.

Fast forward about 6 months.  I had lost about 35 pounds, but then we moved and I started a new job.  I think I gained almost all of that 35 pounds back.  This is December, 2010.

In June 2011, I started using MyFitnessPal.com.  That website has been instrumental for me, in being accountable with logging my food and exercise to helping me see exactly how many calories I was eating.  When I started there, I weighed 268 pounds.

November 2011, I was having quite a bit of success with my better eating and exercising.  This next picture, I was around 220 or 225 pounds.

Kept it up, and by February (this picture is from my birthday), I was probably around 210 pounds.

July 2012.  I had finally made it under 200 pounds.

And then this picture is from today.  188.4.  100 pounds lost.

So there's my weight loss journey, in pictures.  So far.  I know there's more to come!

More progression pictures

Just curious to see the differences in workout gear from January of this year until now.

January 2012

July 2012

Not bad.  I'll take it.  :)

Goals

As I continue on my weight loss journey, I'm starting to think about goals I want to attain.  I want to shift my thinking so I'm not so obsessed with the scale and instead I'm focused on my goals.

So first, of course, have to be weight loss goals.  The first weight loss goal will be 188 pounds, because that will be 100 pounds lost.  I'm 4 pounds away.  Sometimes, I step back and think about it, and 100 pounds?  That's unreal.

After 188 pounds, 163 pounds will be the next weight loss goal.  That's 125 pounds lost, and originally, that was my ultimate goal.   I was around that when I met Jason, the last time I was really healthy and in shape.

From there, I'm not sure what my ultimate weight loss goal will be.  Depending on how tough it is to get to 163, I might stop there.  But I'll be honest, I'd love to be under 150.  I'm 5'5", and weighing in the 140s for my body type would be amazing.  Haven't been that since high school.  144 would be truly amazing because that would be half my original weight.  But like I said, not sure if I'll be able to get there.  We'll see.

Then I have fitness goals.  First, running.  I want to run a 5K in under 30 minutes.  That's not very fast but it will be a big improvement from where I am now.  I also want to beat my husband in a 5K.  I'll admit it, I'll gloat when I do.

In February, I plan on running The Cowtown 10K.  This past February, the Cowtown 5K was the first one I ran, so a year later, it makes sense to go further.  And since my birthday is in February, it's a good birthday present to myself.  Then the following February, I plan on running The Cowtown Half Marathon.

Other fitness goals?  I want to be able to actually complete the 30 Day Shred without stopping.  Silly, but I still haven't gone past Level 1, so I need to work on it.  And I think when I get to my original goal weight (163), I'll get the Insanity series.  That thing blows my mind.

Oh, and one more purely self involved goal.  Those who know me well know I LOVE People magazine.  I've had a subscription for years, and the day that I get it in the mail is affectionately referred to as "People day."  Well, they've had an issue every year for people who have lost a lot of weight...regular people whom they profile and share their stories.  I want to be in that issue.  It's a silly little goal, but I'm going for it.

Updated scrub pictures!

I got a BUNCH of scrubs from one of my coworkers who has also lost a lot of weight.  Finally fitting into them well.  The first picture is from December 2011.  The second, from tonight.  I didn't think there would be such a big difference but there definitely is!

Feeling good and planning for the big 100!

Great weigh in this morning...my weight loss total is up to 90.4 pounds!  Wow.  I've been hovering between 85 and 90 for so long that I'm happy to finally get over that hump.  And it makes me more motivated to keep going!

So now I have to start planning on my reward(s) for 100 pounds lost.  And there are definitely going to be some rewards!  Originally, when I first started this, I had said at 100 pounds lost I'd like a makeover and a date night with my husband.  But, I think I'll push that off for a little bit.  Maybe when I reach my original goal, which was 125 pounds lost.  I don't want to spend a lot of money/buy new clothes when I'm still hoping to drop a size or two.

One reward is definitely going to be a BIG bouquet of flowers.  From me, to me.  I love fresh flowers and I had been buying a bouquet for every 10 pounds I lost.  But the last couple times I've lost 10 pounds (gotten into a new 'decade'), I've decided to wait and buy a BIG bouquet of flowers.  What can I say, they will make me smile!

Another reward is going to be some gambling.  Let me be honest, if I lived nearer a casino I would probably have a gambling problem.  I love playing some slot machines.  But I try to only do it once, maybe twice a year.  I went this year on my birthday and actually won, but I think I'm going to have to do it again!

And a third reward will be new running shoes.  The shoes I have now work okay, but they are getting worn. And I want to start getting more serious about running.  My plan is to start running 5Ks again in September, probably run one a month, and then hopefully work up to a 10K in February.  I want to get fitted for running shoes, to make sure I don't have any weird things going on with my feet or the way I run, and then I'll be buying some new ones!

So that's the plan for now.   Exciting times!

Progression pictures

So it's still taking awhile to see the scale move down consistently.  But I've been going through old pictures, and that helps.  I've posted some of these before, but I like having them from beginning to now.  This first one was fall of 2010, I think.  Or early spring 2011.  Close to my highest weight, definitely.

In all the next ones, I'm wearing the same shirt (don't think it would have fit in that one above!)  This next one is at 247 pounds.  Probably last summer sometime, not sure of the exact date.

The next is September 2011, at 228 pounds.

Ooh, this is getting kind of fun!  :)  The next one is March 2012, 205 pounds.

And the last one is this morning...look at this picture, compared to the last and guess how much I've lost in the last couple months!!

Surprisingly, I'm only down to 201.4 in this picture.  What a HUGE difference in appearance, even though the scale only shows a 3.6 pound weight difference.  Pretty dang proud of that, so I thought I'd share!