In it for the long haul

Wow, I haven't blogged in over 2 months. Not too sure why, but let's get back into it!

December 10, 2011. At my last weigh in, I was 218.0 pounds. That means I have now lost 70 pounds! I'm thrilled and excited about how I look and feel. Just last night I got new scrubs in the mail, another smaller size. And they fit! Things are good. I made it through October (Jenna's birthday and our anniversary...easy to get off track and stay off track, as I did last year) and through Thanksgiving (ate what I wanted but got back on track pretty quickly.)

This week I have made a couple significant changes. First, I joined a gym. LA Fitness. I was going to be methodical, visit a bunch of gyms and use trial memberships to see what I liked best, but I joined the first one I visited. Once I get an idea in my head, I just go for it. So I joined there a couple days ago, and today I had a session with a personal trainer. (I got one free when I joined.) I found out my body fat percentage, 40.2%. Yikes. I KNEW I needed to start strength training but I didn't realize how badly!

But the other big change I made has to do with that. I signed up for personal training. Twice a week for 3 months. I'm still kind of shocked that I did, but you know what....I've lost 70 pounds on my own, but I'm not too sure I can get to my goal without help. Could I have done it with just joining the gym and not having personal training? Sure, I bet I could. But this will help so much.

Accountability. That's what it's going to do for me, just like Myfitnesspal.com has done for my eating habits. It's also a huge financial commitment, so now I need to prove that it wasn't a mistake by signing up. That the money I spent will be well worth it.

I guess now I feel like I'm finally in this for the long haul. I'm not sure what I thought before, but I think putting money, a big chunk of money, into it, makes me realize this is serious. Not that it wasn't before, but...now I'm rambling.

The bottom line....good health is priceless. And if spending some money now can get me there, it will be worth it. I just need to make it work. For good.

The long haul. To my goal weight. To being fit. To getting my inner athlete back again. Here I go!

This time last year

This time last year, I fell off the wagon. Completely. The first week of October is tough, because Jenna's birthday is on the 2nd, and our wedding anniversary is the 7th. Both are major excuses to eat. But that's all they are. Excuses.

Last year, I let myself fall apart and got back into my old habits. And this weekend, I was not as disciplined as I should have been. But it could have been worse. Today was a great day. Ate very healthy and exercised some. Tomorrow and Thursday I work, so those days are usually easy to stay on track. I just eat what I bring and then have a small dinner when I get home.

Friday we're going out for lunch and then to a movie. And I think I'm just going to eat what I want. After all, it's our anniversary. But then Saturday, right back on track.

I will not let this week derail me again. I'm about 30 pounds lighter than I was at this time last year, so I've already come so much farther. And I'm not about to go back.

Being active!

Last night was a first for our family. Well, just for Jason, but still...he ran his first 5K. I'm very proud of him for doing that. I wish I had run with him. Next year.

But as he was running, Jenna and I were strolling around the park. And I was SO happy. It was 6:30 on a Friday night, and instead of sitting at home, eating and watching TV, we were outside being active. Being healthy. It was something I wouldn't have been able to fathom a couple years ago. And now, I hope we can start to do things like this more and more. I love that Jenna will have memories of this. Of us being healthy.

And I hope in a couple years she'll want to run too!

New pictures!

Occasionally I've been taking pictures of myself on my cell phone. They are not flattering pictures, by any means, but they do show a big difference. The first one, I don't even know what I weighed. A lot.

The second picture is at 247 and the third is from this morning, at 228. They definitely show a difference!

Another non scale victory!

I burned over 1000 calories working out today. 1000 calories. I've wanted to do that for awhile, just not sure when I would. But today it was. 135 minutes of exercise, 1013 calories. Whew.

These last few weeks have been tough. I've been pretty good at sticking to my calories, but I've been eating too much snack stuff and sweets. Too many carbs. I love carbs. But they do affect me. I don't drop weight as easily, I have more trouble sleeping and my heart will actually race if I completely overdo it. I haven't gotten to that point but I know I need to scale back.

I'm thisclose to 60 pounds lost, so I'm hoping for a good loss in the next couple days! Can't wait to pass that milestone.

Rainbow Bridge

So I'm still having a VERY tough time with Foxy passing away. Most of the time I do okay, then I start thinking about her and I lose it again. I was doing okay today until we got a sympathy card from our vet....the vet and staff wrote some really nice things in the card, then they enclosed this with it. Cue the tears again. :(

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown...

A rough day but still a positive ending

So this entry will be more about Foxy. Foxy is one of our dogs, and we had to put her to sleep yesterday. It was SO sad. Brief background....Foxy has had some health problems. She had to take thyroid medicine for the last couple years, and then for the last 6-8 months or so, we found out that she needed her gallbladder out. Instead of doing that, we put her on another medication to help, and she also started arthritis medication. So it's not like she was a completely healthy dog. 3 different medications a day, and she still needed her gallbladder out. We were told it could rupture at any time.

A couple months ago I thought we were going to have to put her down. She had gotten some stomach virus and wasn't eating or drinking at all. Just laying around. She did that for about 4 days, and then on the day I was going to take her in, she started doing a lot better and was back to normal.

But this week I noticed her limping a little. This is nothing new...we've been told she had bad arthritis in her back legs, but then Friday night she could hardly stand up. By Saturday morning she couldn't stand at all. She was still eating and drinking just fine, but obviously having some major problems.

Jenna and I took her to the vet Saturday morning (Jason was at work.) I really thought they'd xray her legs, find out her arthritis had flared up, give her a steroid shot or pain medication and then she'd be better. But when we got there, they were concerned about neurological problems, because her reflexes were "sluggish." They wanted to do 4 xrays and blood work. Almost $500 worth of testing.

Thank goodness I got ahold of Jason to ask what he thought we should do. He and I both knew Foxy was pretty much living on borrowed time...she had been doing SO much better but still had her problems. If I hadn't talked to him, I would have gone ahead with the testing, even though I had my reservations about it. Because if it was just her arthritis, then we did all that testing for nothing, and chances are it would happen again. And if it was neurological, we wouldn't do anything anyway. But Jason got my message (he can't have his phone on him at work so I got lucky he checked it anyway), we talked and decided to put her down.

I was also very lucky that Jenna is too young to know what was going on. She just thought Foxy was staying at the vet to help the other dogs.

It was very, very sad. We've had Foxy for 8 years and she was a GREAT dog. She could get a little bossy and snippy at times (not literally, but she and Shirro would snarl at each other), but that was just because she wanted attention and didn't want Shirro to have it. :) She was great with Jenna...let Jenna lay all over her and constantly would give Jenna kisses. She would paw us for treats, and if she was really happy (usually about food), she would wag her tail. She wouldn't wag that often but when she did, that tail looked like it was going to fall off, it was wagging so fast.

I had forgotten this, but she loved to chase water. Sprinklers, garden hoses, whatever it was, she would chase it and bark at it. And she had the cutest little howl when she was happy. She couldn't jump up on the furniture, the way Shirro can, so we got her her own bed and she loved it. She also loved to hide her face when she was sleeping.

So what's the point to all this? Well, besides helping me feel better to write about it, the good thing about yesterday is that I didn't turn to food to help me deal. In the past, I would have left that vet office and driven to the nearest fast food place to stuff myself until I didn't feel so bad. But I really didn't even have that desire yesterday. That was a definite plus.

We will miss our sweet Foxy. I know it's part of life, and it was inevitable that our dogs would die someday. But for us, they are true members of the family, so even knowing that it was the right thing to do, it doesn't make it any easier.

But I will hold on to the fact that I dealt with it better. Much better than I have in the past. So when I think about Foxy and how she's not here anymore, I'll miss her terribly, but I'll also be proud of how I handled it.

I've come so far but SO far to go....

I'm in a grumpy, bad mood today. I shouldn't be. Today was my weigh in day. I lost 1.5 pounds, so my total is up to 54.5 pounds. Today is also exactly 14 months since I started this. I'm doing well. I know that. But I'm still bummed.

I have about 70 more pounds to lose. I'm aiming for 1.5 pounds a week, which means it will take close to a year before I get to my goal weight. It just seems SO LONG. Week in, week out, weighing in, counting calories.

It just seems so daunting. Well, that's not true. I don't doubt that I can do it. Just such a long road. And I know if this is going to work, it needs to be a lifestyle change. Maybe that's the part I'm having a tough time grasping.

Why can't I concentrate on how far I've come, rather than on how far I have to go??

Full disclosure...revealing my weight!

So I've hit a big milestone. As of yesterday, 50 pounds lost since June 2010. But I have a few more big milestones coming up, and they really have to do with the actual number that I weigh. And I want to be able to fully celebrate them, so it's time to talk about how much I weigh.

My weight yesterday was 238. So yes, for those of you quick with math, that means I started at 288. 288. SO close to 300. It's really sad that I let myself get that way. I mean, I didn't even get that high while pregnant with Jenna....close, but not that high.

So 50 pounds is obviously big. But the bigger milestone comes when I get below 232. You see, I had lost weight before, after Jenna was born. And 232 was the lowest I got then. So that's a BIG goal for me right now, to get under 232.

Then the next big goal will be under 223. That means I will be over halfway there.

And the last big goal, before my final goal of 165, will be under 200. I haven't been under 200 since before we got married, almost 11 years ago. That will be something.

So 165 is my final goal weight. Still sounds like a lot, especially for someone who is just 5'4", but I've always carried my weight well. I weigh a lot more than I look, and I know I can be fit and healthy at around 165. Who knows, that final goal may change some, but it's my goal for now.

There you have it. Starting weight, 288. Current weight, 238. Still 73 pounds to go. But doing well so far!

New personal best

Just finished exercising this morning...for 100 minutes! My new personal best for time spent exercising. 80 minutes treadmill, 20 minutes doing the 30 day Shred. Yay for burning more calories!

Proof in the pictures!

I decided that I wanted to compare pictures of myself, to really SEE if I've lost weight. And I definitely like what I'm seeing! The first picture is on May 6, just over 2 months ago at my sister Maggie's bridal shower. The second picture (same outfit for comparison) is tonight, July 16. Yay!

Shape Up Challenge!

Twelve weeks ago at work I started a "shape up" challenge my company was having. They monitored exercise minutes, pedometer steps and weight loss. I didn't count my exercise minutes, because on the days I work I don't exercise. But I did monitor my weight and count my pedometer steps.

The challenge ended July 3. And as of this morning, I have lost 22 pounds and walked over 1.1 million steps. I'm pretty impressed with myself. But more importantly, I'm SO glad this happened when it did. I was just about ready to get back on track with healthy eating and exercising and this has helped so much. And I've gotten so used to wearing a pedometer that it doesn't feel right if I don't have it in my pocket! My company is going to keep the website up through the end of the year and I plan to keep counting my steps every day. My goal is to have at least 15,000 steps a day!

Oh! The best part? As of this morning, my overall weight loss since I started this last year is 41 pounds. Yay! About 1/3 of the way to my goal. :)

One year weigh in

One year ago, I started this. And I've lost 37.2 pounds. Not too shabby. Now to make the next 37 come off faster than a year!

One year ago

One year ago tomorrow I weighed the heaviest I ever have. June 21, 2010, was when I started recording my weight and making a major attempt to lose weight and get healthier. I did well until October, then I got majorly derailed until about April. But I'm back.

I'm excited to weigh myself in the morning to see what the scale says, so I can say, "I lost x number of pounds in the last year." I still have a LONG way to go. But I'm well on my way. Tomorrow morning we'll see just how far.

Accountability

So I started counting calories today. I've never done it consistently, but I've decided I really need to do it in order to make sure I'm on track. And so far it's been very eye opening. Plus, I really have to think about what I'm putting in my mouth. If I don't want to add those calories to my daily amount then I can't eat it.

I guess I realized that with my weight, I've not wanted to be accountable. I think that's why I've never done any plans where you have to go to meetings, like WW. I've always wanted to do it on my own, without help. But obviously that hasn't worked. So now I'm accountable. No big weight loss plan, but I started seeing a counselor yesterday. (That's a whole different story!) But we talked a lot about my weight and the two things she asked me were to stick to 1800 calories (or less) daily and no fast food (my big downfall). I don't see her again for 2 weeks but I'm determined to go back with a "good" report about how I've done.

Geocaching

I went geocaching today. What is geocaching? It's a high tech game that uses GPS coordinates to find hidden items, all over the world. It's become quite popular and a lot of people have actually heard about it by now.

Why is this important? I used to LOVE to geocache. Before I had Jenna, I would go all the time. I started in late 2004. Currently, I've found just over 2000 caches. When I first started, I would go almost every day that I had off. I loved it. I loved finding hidden things in plain sight, or finding caches that were associated with history, or finding caches that would just show me something or someplace really interesting that I would have otherwise never have found.

So why is it so significant that I went today? I've gone a few times here and there in the past few years. But today, today was MY day. I have a meeting at work tonight, so I dropped Jenna at day care this morning, and I decided that I was going to do what I wanted. No cleaning, no laundry, no bills, nothing like that today. I was going to get back to what "I" loved to do. It was about me. No one else. And I think that's key....I need to work on myself, bettering myself. But in doing so, I have to find me again. I'm not just Jason's wife. I'm not just Jenna's mom. I'm not just a nurse. I'm Kate, and I love geocaching. So dammit, I'm going to do it every now and again. Just me, myself and I. Because it reminds me of ME.

It's been awhile

So it seems like I haven't blogged in forever.

Life has been a little nuts for the last 6 months or so. We moved back to Fort Worth, bought a new house, both started new jobs and Jenna started day care. Everything has been a good change, but it's still been stressful. Especially with Jenna starting day care. I had a really, really hard time with it at first. It took awhile for me to feel comfortable with it. And the poor kid has been sick a lot too...which means I have been sick, Jason has been sick and it's been a rough couple months.

I'm really just getting back into cooking on my days off, and walking on my days off. My hospital system currently has a "Shape Up" challenge going, so that's helped with my walking, as one of the things we're measuring are pedometer steps.

It just takes so much focus for me to eat right and exercise, and I've been struggling a lot. Back in October 2010, I had lost almost 35 pounds. Then I gained about 25 of that back. Today I've lost 15 of that 25. So I am doing better, but every day is still a struggle.

I've also been really, really stressed out lately. I yell too much...at Jenna, at Jason, at anything. I'm working a lot more than I ever have since Jenna has been born, and that's been tough to adjust to. When we moved from Tyler, I didn't realize that leaving a couple good friends would make such a difference, but it has. They had become my sounding board and seeing them a couple times a week helped me a lot. My friends here? Unfortunately, I haven't seen them hardly at all since moving back.

So I think my journey has now become more of a journey towards the person I want to be, and weight is just a part of that. I want to be a better wife, a better mother, a better friend. I'm not even sure what that all entails. But I know I need to work on me.

Hopefully starting to blog again will help.

New Year, new start! Let's go!

So I HAVE to get back on track. I've been off the wagon, so to speak, for about 3 months. Terrible. I've gained a lot back. I'm not sure how much but I'll weigh tomorrow. But I'm not sharing 'cause it's too embarrassing. But I WILL get back to where I was and further! Look out skinny clothes, I'm coming for you!