Life gets in the way

One thing I've realized is that eating healthy/exercising has to be a priority for me, if not THE priority, in order to succeed. And for the past month, it hasn't been. Life has gotten in the way.

A lot of big changes are happening right now, which are very wanted and very exciting, but also stressful. We have lived in Tyler since August 2009, but in the past few months we decided we wanted to move back to the Fort Worth area. Jason has been trying to get a job, with the government, and he still might get one but it's a LONG process. He started applying for a government job back in January. Almost a year ago.

So we had thought we'd wait for him to get a job before moving. Our lease is up here at the end of November, but we thought we'd pay month to month, hoping he'd hear something soon. Then things changed. We went to Fort Worth for our anniversary in October, and we decided to look at a couple of houses. We had planned on just looking to get an idea of what's out there, but we fell in love with one. It's pretty much our dream house.

Then we decided that I could work full time and Jason could stay with Jenna until he heard about a job. I thought I would get a job overnight. Literally, overnight. It's happened to me before. But it didn't this time. It took me about 3 weeks to even get an interview, but I did and got a new job. I start November 15th.

Now I realize 3 weeks is not long at all, but we needed one of us to get a job so we could qualify for a loan on the house. It was a LONG 3 weeks.

The tough thing is now, I'll be in Fort Worth, staying there while I work and then coming back to Tyler on my days off. We're hoping that we can rent the house starting at the end of November, because we probably won't close until mid or late December. Then I wouldn't have to drive back and forth.

So all these things are going through my head...starting a new job, moving, leaving Jenna for days at a time, getting all our financing in order for the house, closing, leaving my current job and still trying to eat healthy and exercise.

I'm hoping once I start my new job, at least that part of life will have settled down some and I can devote more time to being healthy. 'Cause right now, it's hard to find the time. And like I said, I know it needs to be a priority. Just hoping I can make it one sooner rather than later.

Move scale, move!

Well, it's taken me awhile, but I finally feel like I'm getting back on track. This week has been good...walking every day, drinking my water and even (attempting) a weight/toner DVD. But the scale isn't moving much and I'm trying to remind myself that it's okay, it will move eventually. I'm starting to lose my patience with that dang scale so someone remind me getting back on track WILL show on the scale, eventually.

Week 17, off the wagon completely

I've succeeded in falling back into my bad habits completely. Haven't exercised in days. Eating crap, crap and more crap. Not drinking enough water, heck hardly drinking any water at all. It's been about 2 weeks now that I've been resorting to my old habits, but I'm ready for it to STOP. I feel disgusting, sluggish, bloated and fat. My mood is terrible. I'm not sleeping well.

This started with Jenna's birthday weekend. I let myself go a little out of control, but then I didn't reign it in when Jason and I went away for a few days. And while we were away for those few days, we decided to really start trying to move back to the DFW area, which means finding a house and a job. While we wait for Jason to find out about a job, I can start working full time. And we found a house we loved, but now I'm still waiting to hear about a job. And it's SO stressful. And that's why I haven't even tried to be healthy. It's just easier not to.

But I'm tired of it. I'm ready to get back on track. I need to. I want to. These next 6 weeks are still going to be stressful, but I'm hoping and praying it doesn't get the best of me. I was off to a great start. I don't want this to be just another time where I lost some weight, hit a rough patch and then gained it back.

But I'm scared that it's going to be that. I hope I have enough strength to get through it.

Week 16 weigh in: Um, oops.

So I knew this week would be bad, with Jenna's birthday and then going away with Jason. I did well the first part of the week, but when Jason and I went away, all my good plans went to hell. I did weigh myself this morning, but I'm not posting it. I gained quite a bit, but I know most of it is due to the sodium content/water retention of all the eating out we did.

I'll weigh again next Sunday, as usual, and count it no matter what, even if it's still showing a gain. Time to get back on track now.

Week 15 weigh in: weighing early

I have been weighing myself on Sundays, but this week I decided to weigh myself Friday. This weekend is going to be busy with my parents arriving today, Jenna's birthday tomorrow and her party Sunday. I know in those couple days we'll be going out to eat a couple of times, and that's why I wanted to weigh today. I'm not worried about my food choices, because I still plan on eating well, but the sodium amount in restaurant prepared foods is SO high. And I know that will cause me to retain water, so I'm "cheating" and weighing early!

And this week was good! I lost 2.2 pounds, up to 34 pounds total.

This next week is going to be tough...besides the activity this weekend, Jason and I are going away for our anniversary next week. Again, more eating out. But I'm determined not to go crazy and stuff my face, and I'm going to keep exercising every day. Even so, I'm not going to be surprised if I don't lose next week. This week I'm just going to concentrate on making good choices, and I'm not going to rely too much on what the scale says. That's the plan!

Week 14 weigh in

Slow but steady. Lost 1 pound this week for a total of 31.8 pounds so far. I'm kind of surprised it wasn't more, but a loss is a loss. And I keep reminding myself that I need to concentrate on the positive changes I'm making, not just the number on the scale.

Slow and steady.

Non scale victories

I'm trying to put less emphasis on what the scale says and instead, concentrate on the "non scale victories." The stuff that has nothing to do with numbers and still makes me proud and happy! So here's some that I have noticed so far:

My clothes are definitely looser. I had to buy some smaller shorts. When I'm at work, I can tell my scrubs are actually getting looser. I'm not ready to go down a size in those yet but they are definitely bigger.

My engagement ring ALMOST fits again. With all the weight I've gained since I was married, I never got my engagement or wedding ring resized because I didn't want to admit I needed to! My wedding ring doesn't ever come off so it's worn a semipermanent groove on my finger, but I take my engagement ring off so I haven't been able to get it back on.

I went to the store the other day, and instead of thinking what junk I could get to eat, I thought about if they had some Sobe Lifewater 0. I don't know why but I've gotten hooked on that stuff!

But the best non scale victory this week? After getting out of the shower, the towel actually fit around me. Sounds silly but that made me SO happy.

Week 13 weigh in: Goal #1, lose 30 pounds. Check!

I hit the 30 pound mark! Lost 2.6 pounds this week for 30.8 total.

This week continued to be tough for me, but the during the latter part of the week, I felt like I was getting back on track. I still didn't exercise as much as I should, but my eating was MUCH better. We even went out for dinner Friday night, and I ordered a healthy entree (cajun lime tilapia) and no dessert...which was tough because everyone else got dessert!

And last night, even though I didn't get off work until 30 minutes late, I still stayed and walked 2 laps on the skywalk, just so I could check off my daily goals for Saturday.

Oh, and I had to buy some new shorts, because my old ones were just getting too big. And the new ones, one size smaller, are still a little loose!

So although I'm very happy I've lost 30 pounds, I'm still trying to concentrate on all the other positive changes I'm making. Because that's what will get me through when the scale doesn't move.

But, this morning I will be going to Barnes and Noble to get my first reward. Yay for mindless, cheesy, fun books!

Where did my motivation go?

Ugh. These have been a few tough days. I have not had my usual motivation to stay on my healthy course. Don't know why it's been so rough to eat well and exercise, but it definitely has. I haven't exercised at all today (it's after 8pm), and I also skipped exercising on Saturday. I ate better today than I did over the weekend, but I haven't had nearly enough water today.

I just feel like I have no energy. I'm sleeping fine but I'm still tired. I'm not getting stuff done around the house that I should. Tonight I had all these plans for stuff to do after Jenna went to bed, and here I sit, screwing around on the computer, not getting any of it done.

I'm just not feeling it lately. And I'm not sure what to do to get it back.

Week 12 weigh in

Down 1.0 pounds, for a total of 28.2 pounds. Slowly creeping up to that first goal of 30 pounds! Maybe this week!

Struggling

These last couple days have been tough. I've just been feeling the pull to eat badly...and that's how it's best described, as if something is pulling me off track. Tonight I caved. Ate fast food. Inhaled it. Total emotional eating 'cause I wasn't even hungry. Don't even know what I'm emotional about, although a little stressed lately. But still...today otherwise was a good day. So I don't know why I fell off the wagon tonight.

But I do know it's going to happen from time to time. And I have to expect it, accept it and move on. The problem I had before was that I would continue to eat badly and emotionally eat for days, weeks, etc. But one downfall is not the end of this journey. Just a speed bump.

And once my lovely talkative daughter goes to sleep (she's now in her crib just talking to her stuffed animals), I will go to bed myself, get a good night's sleep and start again in the morning.

There will be days like this. But they won't get me down, damn it.

Pumpkin cheesecake

I love pumpkin cheesecake. I had it a couple times last year, and it was SO good. So this year, when Jason and I went out to eat a few weeks ago, and I decided I was going to have whatever I wanted, I was definitely going to get pumpkin cheesecake. But Saltgrass didn't have it yet!

So then I was thinking about rewarding myself...when I get to 40 pounds lost, I can have a piece of pumpkin cheesecake. But that's kind of messed up...and probably part of the reason I got here in the first place. I don't need to be rewarding myself with food, ESPECIALLY for losing weight! But I did like the idea of rewarding myself, so here's my plan:

30 pounds lost--I get to buy the latest Tori Spelling book. Mock me if you want, but I have enjoyed her other two books and I have been wanting to buy the third one.

50 pounds lost--I get to spend $25 at Bath and Body Works. I love their stuff but feel badly spending money on myself for lotion. So it will be a good reward.

75 pounds lost--We're going to have a family picture taken. We have never had a professional family picture taken, and even though I will still have a decent amount to lose, I'm hoping I feel so much better about my looks by then that I'll want to have it done. And Jenna's almost 2...we really do need one done.

100 pounds lost--A makeover, fancy dress and date night with my husband. Jason and I don't go out that often, and when we do, it's very casual. I'd love to get a whole new look and have a great night out!

125 pounds lost (my ultimate goal)--A night away, ALONE. I'm thinking I'll go to one of the casino/hotels in Shreveport have some fun playing slot machines. I love to gamble but can't do it too often, so this is a big one. Who knows, if I win, I might just stay 2 nights!

But. Sometime this fall, I WILL have a piece of pumpkin cheesecake. Just once. :)

Week 11 weigh in

This week definitely makes up for last week....this week I lost 4 pounds! I've now lost 27.2 pounds in 11 weeks. Yay! My first reward (will post on that later) will be at 30 pounds, so it's close!

X means I did it!

That picture is my August calendar. (Ignore the smudge in the middle!) I have an extra calendar that I decided to rip the pages out of and write my goals on them, then put it on the fridge. I'll toot my own horn, I did pretty damn good for August...just missed a couple of days. My goals for August were 100 oz of water a day, walk anywhere from 1.5-1.75 miles a day (changed it at the middle of the month) and twice a week, do some light weight training. And on the days I worked, my walking was just to walk the skywalk twice at work. Probably about a mile.

September we're changing it up, just a little bit. My weight training will stay the same, but I'm going to increase my walking to 2 miles a day and my water to 120 oz a day, unless I work, and then it will stay 100 oz a day. Sometimes at work it's tough to get that water down!

Guess next month I'll have to get some eating goals....more veggies/salads, less sweets (yes, I am still eating sweets, just not as much and "healthier" ones, if that makes sense!) and whatever else I can think of.

But for the next couple days, I'll just be proud of myself for August. Love seeing all those x's on the calendar!

Week 10 weigh in

It had to happen sooner or later, a gain. And I suppose this is not surprising since my parents are visiting this week, and Jason and I went out of town overnight. I gained a pound. It could have been worse.

So this week is all about moral victories instead of victories on the scale. I exercised every day, despite having family in town and going out of town. I ordered healthy meals every time when we were out to eat, except for one (that was planned.) Overall, I didn't go nuts on eating, which is a HUGE win, because I usually do when people are visiting.

Even with all these moral victories though, I'd still like a loss next week please!

Damn scale

So I decided to weigh myself this morning, because I plan on eating out and eating what I want tonight. I just wanted to have an idea where I was at. And I've gained 3 pounds since Sunday! Damn it. I know it's probably just water weight/retention, but still...I've exercised all week, drank my 100 oz of water every day and have eaten well, for the most part. I did have some banana bread yesterday but darn it, I made it, I want to eat it!

I'm trying to remind myself that it's not just about the scale, but about the changes I'm making. I think I'll need to keep reminding myself of that. Damn scale.

No excuses!

This could be a tough week for me. My parents come to visit tomorrow, and they are staying through the weekend. Usually, when we had company, or when I went to visit someone, I would just forget about eating right and exercising, because what's the point? We go out to different restaurants, we go for ice cream, we eat. Not this time though.

I've got meals planned out for the whole time they are here. Tomorrow night they are taking us to the Olive Garden for dinner. We love the Olive Garden, but the main reason I picked it was that they list ALL the nutritional info for their dishes on their website. I can go out to eat and still eat healthy. And wow, what an eye opening experience that was, looking at that nutrition info! Scary!

Thursday night I'm cooking, and Friday Jason and I are going to the Ranger game in Arlington. We are going out to eat at our favorite restaurant before the game, and that is the ONLY meal that I'm going to allow myself to have whatever I want. Then, if I don't get dessert at the restaurant, I can have ONE thing at the ballgame. And that's it. We'll be coming back home late Saturday, but I'll have to find a way to eat healthy during the day on Saturday. But like I've mentioned before, I've done my research and have a couple places we can stop and I can eat healthy.

I'll still weigh myself Sunday, although I'm not going to be surprised if I don't lose weight. But I'm trying to remember it's not just about weight numbers...it's about being healthy, about exercising (as I plan to continue to every day), about drinking all my water and just making better choices overall.

Down some inches!!!

So I haven't exercised yet today. It's 8:15pm and I haven't gotten on the treadmill yet. I keep putting it off. And I was thinking about not doing it at all, but then I looked at my "goal calendar" (I have daily goals written on a calendar and I cross them off as I complete them), and I noticed I was supposed to measure today. I thought I might as well, and maybe it would inspire me to get on the treadmill tonight.

Well, it definitely has! I first measured myself 2 weeks after I started this, so 7 weeks ago. And in those 7 weeks, I have lost 2 inches from my bust, 2 inches from my waist and 2 inches from my butt. Whoo hoo! It's working ! Treadmill here I come!

Week 9 weigh in

This will be short and sweet, gotta get ready for work! Down 1.4 pounds this week, 24.4 pounds total. I had a mini goal of 25 pounds before my parents come to visit, and they come on Wednesday, so I think I'll have an extra weigh in day then!

Why Am I Doing This?

This week has been a little shaky for me. I've felt like I haven't done the best I could, and I figured that if I posted WHY I'm doing this, then it would remind me. I figure I'll come back to this post and edit it, adding more reasons as they come along. So, in no particular order, (except for #1, which is the main reason I'm doing this), here they are....

1. My health. I want to live to be an old lady. I want to be married for 5o years (I'd be 76). I want to see my daughter grow up, get married and have kids of her own. I want to get off blood pressure medicine. I want to be the exception to my family history of heart disease and high cholesterol. I don't want to physically hurt after a shift at work. I don't want to hobble out of bed in the mornings.

2. I don't want my sweet daughter to call me fat. :(

3. I want to consider myself an athlete again. I'd love to run a 5K and maybe further.

4. When I got married 1o years ago, I had a "personal" bridal shower. Okay, get your mind out of the gutters people...personal clothing. You get the drift. Beautiful things that I haven't been able to wear in years. But I still have it all, and I'd love to be able to wear it again. I'm sure Jason would love it too. :)

5. New clothes. Actually, with every couple sizes I drop, I'm sure I can go through my closets and find clothes that I haven't worn in so long that they will be new to me.

6. I want to not worry about fitting in airplane seats.

7. I want to be able to help people more in my job. I mean, seriously, would you listen to a nurse talking about health if she was 100 pounds overweight?

8. I want to feel comfortable in something besides scrubs.

9. I want to get a family picture taken. It's very sad that we've never had a family picture taken, and the reason I haven't wanted one is that I don't like seeing myself in pictures.

10. I want to like myself again. Well, technically, I like myself, but I hate the way I look. But I do like who I am. Just need to fix the outside to meet up with the inside.

I know there's a TON more reasons why I'm finally doing this, but I'm drawing a blank right now. I'm sure I'll come back and add to it, and I know I'll come back and read it over and over. There are some days, some weeks, I will definitely need the reminders.

How Did I Get Here?

Actually, the title of this should be "Why Did I Get Here?" I know how I DID...I ate too much and didn't exercise. Duh. But now why...that's a good question.

I'm an emotional eater--that much I know for sure. I rarely eat because I'm hungry. I eat because I'm sad, bored, tired, upset, happy, or stressed. I eat when things are bad, I eat for celebrations. I'm definitely an emotional eater. And I've heard that you can trace it back to WHY you eat...usually there's some event, something that triggered the emotional eating. But I haven't been able to figure that out yet. Maybe, by writing on this blog, I'll be able to figure it out.

I've been struggling with my weight since college. I think the only reason I didn't have a problem in high school was due to me being an athlete...volleyball in the fall, basketball in the winter and track in the spring. When I went to college, I gained about 25-30 pounds. Not horrible. I didn't lose it until my first year in Texas, 1997-98. I was 24. I finally just started exercising and eating better, and I got down to my high school weight. Then I met my husband, and it all went back uphill from there. WAY uphill. Jason could eat pretty much anything he wanted to, and I tried to keep up with him. Our eating habits sucked. We ate out all the time. And by our wedding when I was 26, I had gained 40-50 pounds. And in the 10 years since then, I've gained about 80 more.

Some people have suggested to me that I eat because I miss my family. I'm VERY close to my family, and I didn't ever think I would live so far away from them as an adult. But I don't think that's it, because I can remember back to high school, working in a grocery store and buying nutty bars and oatmeal cream pies, and stashing them in my room at home. So even though I could eat what I wanted in high school, obviously I had problems then.

So why did I get here? I don't know. I'm hoping to find that out. And where is "here", you might ask? Well, I'm not brave enough (yet) to disclose my starting weight, but "here" is morbidly obese, with a goal of 125 pounds to lose. My starting BMI was 49.4. If I lose 125 pounds, I'll have a BMI of 28.0, which is still considered overweight. But I'm okay with that. I've got big bones (I've always called them "meaty bones") anyway, so I can carry that weight well and be healthy at it. To get to a "normal" BMI, I'd have to lose almost 150 pounds, and I think 125 is quite enough as it is.

Why did I get here? I guess I might never figure it out. But as long as I keep doing something about it, I guess it really doesn't matter, does it?

Road trip!

Tomorrow Jenna and I are going on a road trip. Just a short one. 2 hours (one way) to visit a friend we haven't seen in over a year! It will be a long day and road trips used to mean that I could eat my way there and back. But not any more.

One of the important things I've found, through all my dieting trials, is that I HAVE to have a plan ahead of time. If I don't, then I eat badly. Never fails. So we leave after breakfast tomorrow. I'm taking a little cooler in the car with lots of water and probably some yogurt and cottage cheese. Then we'll have lunch at our friend's house, then on the way home, if I'm hungry, I know of a couple of fast food places I can stop and eat relatively healthy. So I've got a plan. Now I just need to stick to it!

The Eat Less, Move More "diet"

Nope. No big weight loss plan. No calorie counting. No carb counting. No fat counting. No specific exercise plan. What am I doing to lose weight/get healthy so far? Eating less and moving more. It's that simple. It really is.

I've done a lot of different diets before. I've tried Nutri System, Weight Watchers, Atkins, South Beach and even a cabbage soup diet (I think, I might have blocked that one from my memory.) The most success I had before was with Atkins. 6 months after having Jenna, I had lost 50 pounds. As I hit the 5o pound mark, I immediately started putting it back on. I definitely can't stick on low carb forever.

So what I'm doing now is trying to be lower carb, but not crazy about it. If I'm going to have carbs, I try to make sure they have a decent amount of fiber, for the most part. But sometimes I just have what I want. I'm trying to eat more often, every 3-4 hours. I'm trying to eat less processed food and to stay away from high amounts of sodium. And as I mentioned, I'm drinking a lot of water.

For example, it's now almost 3pm. For breakfast today I had an "oatmeal casserole" I made...oats, milk, brown sugar, cinnamon, raisins, pecans, dried cherries and apples, then baked. I had about 3/4 cup of that, along with 2 sausage links (I love sausage and usually have it at breakfast to make sure I do get a good amount of protein to start) and some fresh pineapple. Oh, and two cups of coffee with cream and sweet n low. For a snack I had 4 townhouse crackers with a little peanut butter and a couple of handfuls of dried fruit. For lunch I had a turkey/bacon/american cheese grilled sandwich on a whole wheat English muffin with a little mayo. I also had an apple with that. And right now I'm having iced coffee (coffee, a little milk and sugar free vanilla syrup.) And I've already drank 104 oz of water today (that's a lot, even for me!)

Dinner is going to be salisbury steak, mac n cheese, mashed potatoes, green beans and dinner rolls. Dinner is unusually carb heavy but I'll just have small amounts, probably 1/2 cup of mashed potatoes and 1/4 cup of mac n cheese (all these measurements are just guesses, I don't really measure it). And then I have Breyer's low fat/low cal ice cream bars for dessert. Yum!

I'm also making sure I exercise every day. I work 2 7a-7p shifts a week, occasionally 3, and on those days, I walk at work. I'm lucky that my hospital has a long skywalk that connects 3 buildings, and one round trip is at least half a mile. So I make sure I walk that round trip once before work and once at lunch. Add that to my normal walking at work and I get a lot of walking done. On the days I don't work, I walk 1.5 miles on the treadmill (I started at 1 mile and am working my way up to 2 miles.) I change the speed and change the incline every couple of minutes. And twice a week I do some light arm weights for about 5-10 minutes.

That's it so far. The good thing about having a lot to lose is that you don't have to be perfect right away, and you can still lose. I figure every few months I'll have to change what I do and/or eat, just to keep the loss going.

Week 8 weigh in

Today is Sunday, my weekly weigh day. I don't know why I picked Sunday, but so far I've been consistent with that day. (I used to change it...if I thought I hadn't eaten as well as I should, I'd change my weigh in day so that I might have lost something.) But every Sunday it is, and today was a loss of 1.6 pounds. Total so far is 23 pounds. Not bad for 8 weeks.

I tend to get kind of bummed if I think about how far I have to go (and I'll write about that later), but I need to remind myself it's not all about the numbers. It's about health. And even if I have quite a ways to go, I've already come so far. In the last 8 weeks, I've exercised almost every day. I've almost cut fast food out of my diet. And I've drank at least 100 oz of water almost every day. Even if I can't see it on the outside, I know my insides are "looking" better!

Starting out

"A Journey of Sorts"....I decided on that as my blog title, because everything about life is a journey. The reason I'm starting this blog, is to write about my weight loss journey. But there are many other journeys in my life...as a wife, a mom, and a nurse, to name a few. So I figured that calling it "A Journey of Sorts" would allow me to continually change what I'm writing about....but it will always be a journey.

I decided to write about my weight loss, chiefly because I think it will help to keep me on track. I've been posting on Facebook every week about it, but I'm wondering if my friends will get annoyed by it. I kind of get annoyed by it, actually. This way, I can write about it, and people can choose if they want to read it.

Tomorrow is 8 weeks that I have started this weight loss journey. I have a lot more to write about, but with a toddler running around, now isn't the best time to do that. So I will post when I can, write when I can and maybe help myself along the way.