Wednesday, August 18, 2010

How Did I Get Here?

Actually, the title of this should be "Why Did I Get Here?" I know how I DID...I ate too much and didn't exercise. Duh. But now why...that's a good question.

I'm an emotional eater--that much I know for sure. I rarely eat because I'm hungry. I eat because I'm sad, bored, tired, upset, happy, or stressed. I eat when things are bad, I eat for celebrations. I'm definitely an emotional eater. And I've heard that you can trace it back to WHY you eat...usually there's some event, something that triggered the emotional eating. But I haven't been able to figure that out yet. Maybe, by writing on this blog, I'll be able to figure it out.

I've been struggling with my weight since college. I think the only reason I didn't have a problem in high school was due to me being an athlete...volleyball in the fall, basketball in the winter and track in the spring. When I went to college, I gained about 25-30 pounds. Not horrible. I didn't lose it until my first year in Texas, 1997-98. I was 24. I finally just started exercising and eating better, and I got down to my high school weight. Then I met my husband, and it all went back uphill from there. WAY uphill. Jason could eat pretty much anything he wanted to, and I tried to keep up with him. Our eating habits sucked. We ate out all the time. And by our wedding when I was 26, I had gained 40-50 pounds. And in the 10 years since then, I've gained about 80 more.

Some people have suggested to me that I eat because I miss my family. I'm VERY close to my family, and I didn't ever think I would live so far away from them as an adult. But I don't think that's it, because I can remember back to high school, working in a grocery store and buying nutty bars and oatmeal cream pies, and stashing them in my room at home. So even though I could eat what I wanted in high school, obviously I had problems then.

So why did I get here? I don't know. I'm hoping to find that out. And where is "here", you might ask? Well, I'm not brave enough (yet) to disclose my starting weight, but "here" is morbidly obese, with a goal of 125 pounds to lose. My starting BMI was 49.4. If I lose 125 pounds, I'll have a BMI of 28.0, which is still considered overweight. But I'm okay with that. I've got big bones (I've always called them "meaty bones") anyway, so I can carry that weight well and be healthy at it. To get to a "normal" BMI, I'd have to lose almost 150 pounds, and I think 125 is quite enough as it is.

Why did I get here? I guess I might never figure it out. But as long as I keep doing something about it, I guess it really doesn't matter, does it?


  1. You are doing great mama! You gotta start somewhere and you should be very proud of yourself! xoxo

  2. Kate, I am so so so so proud of you for going on this journey and you have done such a great job already! I think you're taking such a sensible attitude towards weight loss and I admire that you're thinking about the causes of the gain in the first place, because that will help keep you from re-gaining once you've lost it all.

    You're an inspiration! Way to go!!!

  3. You know, I bought a book about compulsive eating, now I need to freakin read it! Thanks for inspiring me to find it and start reading!!! YOU CAN DO IT!

  4. Thanks helps SO much to read such great comments. Coli, what was the book you were talking about? Sounds like something I might want to read also.

  5. Unfortunately I think that women in general are more prone to have issues with compulsive eating. Overweight or not, I have a problem with my emotional connection to food as well. Good luck with this journey, Kate, hopefully you will gain some insight as to why you have the emotional connection you do with bad foods.