Week 10 weigh in

It had to happen sooner or later, a gain. And I suppose this is not surprising since my parents are visiting this week, and Jason and I went out of town overnight. I gained a pound. It could have been worse.

So this week is all about moral victories instead of victories on the scale. I exercised every day, despite having family in town and going out of town. I ordered healthy meals every time when we were out to eat, except for one (that was planned.) Overall, I didn't go nuts on eating, which is a HUGE win, because I usually do when people are visiting.

Even with all these moral victories though, I'd still like a loss next week please!

Damn scale

So I decided to weigh myself this morning, because I plan on eating out and eating what I want tonight. I just wanted to have an idea where I was at. And I've gained 3 pounds since Sunday! Damn it. I know it's probably just water weight/retention, but still...I've exercised all week, drank my 100 oz of water every day and have eaten well, for the most part. I did have some banana bread yesterday but darn it, I made it, I want to eat it!

I'm trying to remind myself that it's not just about the scale, but about the changes I'm making. I think I'll need to keep reminding myself of that. Damn scale.

No excuses!

This could be a tough week for me. My parents come to visit tomorrow, and they are staying through the weekend. Usually, when we had company, or when I went to visit someone, I would just forget about eating right and exercising, because what's the point? We go out to different restaurants, we go for ice cream, we eat. Not this time though.

I've got meals planned out for the whole time they are here. Tomorrow night they are taking us to the Olive Garden for dinner. We love the Olive Garden, but the main reason I picked it was that they list ALL the nutritional info for their dishes on their website. I can go out to eat and still eat healthy. And wow, what an eye opening experience that was, looking at that nutrition info! Scary!

Thursday night I'm cooking, and Friday Jason and I are going to the Ranger game in Arlington. We are going out to eat at our favorite restaurant before the game, and that is the ONLY meal that I'm going to allow myself to have whatever I want. Then, if I don't get dessert at the restaurant, I can have ONE thing at the ballgame. And that's it. We'll be coming back home late Saturday, but I'll have to find a way to eat healthy during the day on Saturday. But like I've mentioned before, I've done my research and have a couple places we can stop and I can eat healthy.

I'll still weigh myself Sunday, although I'm not going to be surprised if I don't lose weight. But I'm trying to remember it's not just about weight numbers...it's about being healthy, about exercising (as I plan to continue to every day), about drinking all my water and just making better choices overall.

Down some inches!!!

So I haven't exercised yet today. It's 8:15pm and I haven't gotten on the treadmill yet. I keep putting it off. And I was thinking about not doing it at all, but then I looked at my "goal calendar" (I have daily goals written on a calendar and I cross them off as I complete them), and I noticed I was supposed to measure today. I thought I might as well, and maybe it would inspire me to get on the treadmill tonight.

Well, it definitely has! I first measured myself 2 weeks after I started this, so 7 weeks ago. And in those 7 weeks, I have lost 2 inches from my bust, 2 inches from my waist and 2 inches from my butt. Whoo hoo! It's working ! Treadmill here I come!

Week 9 weigh in

This will be short and sweet, gotta get ready for work! Down 1.4 pounds this week, 24.4 pounds total. I had a mini goal of 25 pounds before my parents come to visit, and they come on Wednesday, so I think I'll have an extra weigh in day then!

Why Am I Doing This?

This week has been a little shaky for me. I've felt like I haven't done the best I could, and I figured that if I posted WHY I'm doing this, then it would remind me. I figure I'll come back to this post and edit it, adding more reasons as they come along. So, in no particular order, (except for #1, which is the main reason I'm doing this), here they are....

1. My health. I want to live to be an old lady. I want to be married for 5o years (I'd be 76). I want to see my daughter grow up, get married and have kids of her own. I want to get off blood pressure medicine. I want to be the exception to my family history of heart disease and high cholesterol. I don't want to physically hurt after a shift at work. I don't want to hobble out of bed in the mornings.

2. I don't want my sweet daughter to call me fat. :(

3. I want to consider myself an athlete again. I'd love to run a 5K and maybe further.

4. When I got married 1o years ago, I had a "personal" bridal shower. Okay, get your mind out of the gutters people...personal clothing. You get the drift. Beautiful things that I haven't been able to wear in years. But I still have it all, and I'd love to be able to wear it again. I'm sure Jason would love it too. :)

5. New clothes. Actually, with every couple sizes I drop, I'm sure I can go through my closets and find clothes that I haven't worn in so long that they will be new to me.

6. I want to not worry about fitting in airplane seats.

7. I want to be able to help people more in my job. I mean, seriously, would you listen to a nurse talking about health if she was 100 pounds overweight?

8. I want to feel comfortable in something besides scrubs.

9. I want to get a family picture taken. It's very sad that we've never had a family picture taken, and the reason I haven't wanted one is that I don't like seeing myself in pictures.

10. I want to like myself again. Well, technically, I like myself, but I hate the way I look. But I do like who I am. Just need to fix the outside to meet up with the inside.

I know there's a TON more reasons why I'm finally doing this, but I'm drawing a blank right now. I'm sure I'll come back and add to it, and I know I'll come back and read it over and over. There are some days, some weeks, I will definitely need the reminders.

How Did I Get Here?

Actually, the title of this should be "Why Did I Get Here?" I know how I DID...I ate too much and didn't exercise. Duh. But now why...that's a good question.

I'm an emotional eater--that much I know for sure. I rarely eat because I'm hungry. I eat because I'm sad, bored, tired, upset, happy, or stressed. I eat when things are bad, I eat for celebrations. I'm definitely an emotional eater. And I've heard that you can trace it back to WHY you eat...usually there's some event, something that triggered the emotional eating. But I haven't been able to figure that out yet. Maybe, by writing on this blog, I'll be able to figure it out.

I've been struggling with my weight since college. I think the only reason I didn't have a problem in high school was due to me being an athlete...volleyball in the fall, basketball in the winter and track in the spring. When I went to college, I gained about 25-30 pounds. Not horrible. I didn't lose it until my first year in Texas, 1997-98. I was 24. I finally just started exercising and eating better, and I got down to my high school weight. Then I met my husband, and it all went back uphill from there. WAY uphill. Jason could eat pretty much anything he wanted to, and I tried to keep up with him. Our eating habits sucked. We ate out all the time. And by our wedding when I was 26, I had gained 40-50 pounds. And in the 10 years since then, I've gained about 80 more.

Some people have suggested to me that I eat because I miss my family. I'm VERY close to my family, and I didn't ever think I would live so far away from them as an adult. But I don't think that's it, because I can remember back to high school, working in a grocery store and buying nutty bars and oatmeal cream pies, and stashing them in my room at home. So even though I could eat what I wanted in high school, obviously I had problems then.

So why did I get here? I don't know. I'm hoping to find that out. And where is "here", you might ask? Well, I'm not brave enough (yet) to disclose my starting weight, but "here" is morbidly obese, with a goal of 125 pounds to lose. My starting BMI was 49.4. If I lose 125 pounds, I'll have a BMI of 28.0, which is still considered overweight. But I'm okay with that. I've got big bones (I've always called them "meaty bones") anyway, so I can carry that weight well and be healthy at it. To get to a "normal" BMI, I'd have to lose almost 150 pounds, and I think 125 is quite enough as it is.

Why did I get here? I guess I might never figure it out. But as long as I keep doing something about it, I guess it really doesn't matter, does it?